Friday, 16 January 2015

My Melting Bathroom and the Home Reno Show

My bathroom is leaking again. You’d have to be a long-time reader here to know what this means, so for those who aren’t caught up: my G.D. Mother-frakkin’ bathroom is the bane of my existence and consistently makes me fantasize about burning down my house. 
The only one who really uses the tub.

Two and a half years ago, I purchased this house with my then-husband. There was a leak in the bathroom that was slowly seeping into the ceiling of the dining room below, so my husband and my dad decided to fix it themselves. When they went to do that, though, they ended up finding that the bathroom walls were made of the wrong kind of drywall, and that someone had stuffed newspaper into the walls instead of insulation. So what was meant to be a minor plumbing repair turned into a full bathroom reno.

Trouble is, plumbing is a tricky business, and despite their best amateur efforts, the leaking continued. Months later, when I was single again and on my own, I hired a contractor and a plumber to fix things, and it really did seem as if they had.

That is, until my best friend/housemate MJ went to step into the shower this week, and found her foot sunk deep into the vinyl floor beside the bathtub.

MJ told me the news in the best way possible: she found the problem, then immediately called her contractor father, and had a list of steps and solutions for me. Unfortunately, there was no way to stop the tears of frustration that came to my eyes. This stupid bathroom felt like a metaphor for my entire life: repair after repair, and nowhere nearer solid ground. (Quite literally, as I pushed on the floor and found the subfloor had turned into a fibrous pudding.)

So it’s good timing that The Home Renovations Show is coming up here in Ottawa at the EY Centre on Jan 23-25. I’m holding out hope that they’ll have a booth for a business called something like, “Reliable Rentable Handy-Spouses” there, where I can hire myself a temporary husband or wife with contractor skills who can make this bathroom reno the real LAST one I ever do here.

And lucky for me and you, the organizers are sweethearts and sent me free tickets. If you’d like a pair, I’ve got two to give away. Just comment on this post with some details about what you’re looking to reno, and I’ll pick a winner by January 20th. You can also go to this site and use promo code OHR15PC to get a discount on your own tickets, if you don’t want to gamble on the free pairs.

Godspeed to you and your renos. And if you see me at the show, feel free to offer me tequila shots. Or the loan of your handy-spouse.
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